I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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