um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
