Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
