With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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