either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
