Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
