I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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