My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
