You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
