I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
