dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
