I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
