Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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