when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
