the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
