Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
