Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
