he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
