I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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