We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
