this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
