it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
