so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
