This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
