i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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