I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
