Pappa wants mamma naked
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
