I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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