so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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