Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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