Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
