Those balls look pretty dangerous.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
