I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
