i barfeds in our rink
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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