ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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