think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
