omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Randomize
