I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
