And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
