My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
