Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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