I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Randomize
