remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
