Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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