Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize