he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Bring me that man meat
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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