When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
