He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
