its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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