I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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