i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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