I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
