I wish my penis had an off switch
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
