I look better un-naked...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
