respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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