I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just invented taco cereal.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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