I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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