Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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