my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
are you so shy because you have an std?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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