just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
