if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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