Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
