All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
