I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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