dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
