Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
