We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
