i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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