And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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