Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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