I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
