Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
