I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
