You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
