I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
