i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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