You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
