why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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