If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize