I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
