ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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