Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
