Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
