If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
