You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
