Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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