He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
