he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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