so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
