i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
