So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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