He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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