went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
