Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
