Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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