good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
