the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
